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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28361799">Passion, Emotion, Attachment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLynn/pseuds/LittleLynn'>LittleLynn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Littlelynn's Christmas Gifts 2020 [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:53:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28361799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLynn/pseuds/LittleLynn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This was a bad idea, Qui-Gon knew it, and he had no doubt Obi-Wan knew it even more viscerally than he did, with how closely he followed the code, how deeply he took every word from the council. And yet despite this, Qui-Gon suddenly felt that ending up here had somehow been inevitable in their stories. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Littlelynn's Christmas Gifts 2020 [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Passion, Emotion, Attachment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaRex/gifts">TeaRex</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Merry Christmas Scruff!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This was a bad idea, Qui-Gon knew it, and he had no doubt Obi-Wan knew it even more viscerally than he did, with how closely he followed the code, how deeply he took every word from the council. And yet despite this, Qui-Gon suddenly felt that ending up here had somehow been inevitable in their stories. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had loved Obi-Wan for a long time, longer than he should have. Before Naboo, when Obi-Wan was still his pupil, he had loved him. And Obi-Wan had loved the code, had loved the council, had loved being a jedi; Qui-Gon had always understood that about him. It was why he had also always understood that they would never be together, no many how longing looks and lingering touches Obi-Wan paid him over the years, Qui-Gon knew what he would always choose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That had only become more true with the beginning of the war, Obi-Wan had never been less inclined to leave, Qui-Gon had never been moreso. He had stayed though, living off Obi-Wan’s smiles. He had stayed and stayed and stayed. And then the senate had ordered the production of more clones and the jedi had accepted it, and he couldn’t stay any longer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Obi-Wan had stormed into his rooms - he still had a key, of course he still had a key - the busy, formidable Negotiator returning to Coruscant in the middle of a mission just to shout at him. Obi-Wan never shouted, he was cool and calm and collected always since becoming a master, the pinnacle of the jedi way, and held up as such by the entire galaxy now; but he was shouting now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Impassioned and beautiful, and Qui-Gon wondered if he had come back of his own accord, or if the council knew more of Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and their </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings</span>
  </em>
  <span> than they let on, and had sunk low enough to try to use them to force him to stay. It was an ungenerous thought, but it lingered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Obi-Wan had shouted, he wouldn’t beg Qui-Gon to stay so he shouted instead, about desertion, about giving up on his men, about the reality of war, about pacifism was a privilege provided by other people willing to fight for the republic. He shouted, and then before Qui-Gon even realised what was happening, he stopped shouting and was in his arms instead, fists against his chest, crying and dragging Qui-Gon into a kiss that had been building for a decade at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Obi-Wan tugged at his tunics insistently and it was a bad idea, but Qui-Gon didn’t stop him, he pulled him impossibly closer and started stripping him in return instead. They didn’t talk about what was happening, and that was a bad idea too, but Qui-Gon felt drunk on Obi-Wan, felt as if he were drowning under feelings that he had been keeping bottled up for years and years for the sake of his own sanity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He loved Obi-Wan, with all the passion and emotion that the code forbade, he was attached, would choose Obi-Wan’s life over others again and again. He couldn’t stay and watch a war kill him, he couldn’t deny what was finally in his arms. Obi-Wan bit at his lip and pulled him out of his thoughts, backing them both towards Qui-Gon’s bedroom until they were tumbling down in a tangle of limbs on his mattress. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not fair,” Obi-Wan said, his voice torn somewhere between a shout and a sob and a battle cry as he straddled Qui-Gon’s waist. Qui-Gon wasn’t sure what Obi-Wan was talking about, but he was right, it wasn’t fair. Nothing about any of this was fair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t be a jedi anymore,” Qui-Gon said, panted, he had hoped it would be an answer, but with Obi-Wan naked above him, rutting desperately against his hip, it seemed weak, even if it was the truth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Obi-Wan demanded, a petulant edge to his voice that told Qui-Gon that he knew, of course, his sharp as a whip apprentice that never missed anything already knew. Just like Qui-Gon also already knew, knew the confessions that would never be voiced that had been sewn into Obi-Wan’s every smile and greeting for years now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Passion,” Qui-Gon answered, flipping them over and pressing Obi-Wan into the bedding. He sucked a dark bruise into his neck, low enough that it would be hidden, deep enough that it would last long after he was gone. He took them both in a firm grip, stroked them together and remembered so many rose tinted fantasies of doing just this, sweet and tender instead of desperate and frantic. “Emotion,” he said, nipping at Obi-Wan’s jaw before kissing away his tears, nuzzling against his neck, wrapping his arms around him until it was impossible to tell where one of them ended and another began. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Attachment,” he whispered, stealing their lips together in a deep kiss that had Obi-Wan’s hands flying up to his long hair, gripping him tight and trying to draw him closer still. Qui-Gon swallowed Obi-Wan’s moans as he worked them both to a fast completion, inevitable for how long it had built between them, he wished it could last longer, that he could exist in this moment forever, with Obi-Wan’s lips on his, intertwined together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Obi-Wan tensed as he came, Qui-Gon following soon after, and he knew the meaning in every one of Obi-Wan’s newly pleading kisses and caresses; </span>
  <em>
    <span>me too, me too Qui-Gon, hide it and stay, at least we will still be together, surely denial is better than never seeing one another again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Qui-Gon murmured, and it told him everything he needed to know, that for all Obi-Wan’s desire and love, he remained silent. He left Obi-Wan in the bed as he collected up his clothes and the last of his bags. Obi-Wan was clinging to the bedding, his back turned, as if he couldn’t bear to watch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not going to ask you to leave, Obi-Wan. I won’t do that to you, I won’t tear you apart like that. Stay, be who you were born to be, I will be proud of you, I promise,” Qui-Gon said, kissing Obi-Wan’s cheek and leaving him alone in his bed as he collected his meagre bag of possessions, and let the temple one last time. He pretended he couldn’t year muffled sobs as the door shut behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was on Corellia, when he heard about the slaughter, and Palpatine declared himself emperor.</span>
</p>
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